A Penny For My Thoughts

Thoughts from today:

Thought #1 - Why can't I fall asleep? Since last Friday, I have acquired the inability to sleep in the slightest way. I have had a lot on my mind lately, and I think that is the source of my sudden insomnia. My body, and brain are really starting to break down because of it.

Thought #2 - I am so beyond grateful for the Gift of the Atonement. I mess up everyday, and lately I feel like I have been making more mistakes than usual, and have not been giving Heavenly Father my all. We are so blessed to be able to start fresh everyday.

Thought #3 - In the words of Taylor Swift, why you gotta be so mean? I don't understand why people have to be mean, and throw hurtful mean words. Let's spread love not hate.

Thought # 4 - I love my husband with all my heart and am grateful for the support he is to me. He protects me, and loves me, and hugs me, and makes me laugh and is always on my side. He makes me a better person.

Thought #5 - Sometimes I wish I could be a mermaid... But I hate the ocean so I take that back.

Thought #6 - I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a graphic designer, a grief counselor, an equestrian therapist, a full-time homemaker, a children's author, a florist, a full-time mom, a wildlife photographer, a music producer, a global explorer, and a criminal investigator. BUT I don't want to go to school for any of the above. It's a serious dilemma.

Thought #7 - Whoever thought of the new Gummy Jolly Ranchers needs an award or something. I can't get enough of them. I am seriously craving them right now.

Thought #8 - Sometimes I think I am too hard on myself. I am a people pleaser and I think right now I am trying to please everyone around me and completely forgetting about myself.  I don't know if this sounds selfish or not, but I'm going to just start being myself again, because I like me.

Thought # 9 - Laundry is the bane of my existence. As I sit here writing, there is a pile of laundry staring back at me saying "fold me! put me away!" ooohhh please don't make me.

Thought #10 - I wish I was a wizard like Harry Potter, so that I could wave my wand and all of my laundry would fold itself, and hang itself up. That would make me very happy.

Thought #11 - I was cleaning through my closet today, and found my old song book. They very first song written in it was"I Was Made For Sunny Days". This was my very first song that had ever written. It sums me up perfect. I was made to be happy, and was made to live for sunny days. It was a good reminder of what I live for.

Thought #12 - My last thought for the day is that happiness is a choice. I can't let anyone else define my happiness. I usually am pretty good at leaving my happiness up to me, but this last week I think I have forgotten where my happiness truly comes from. "Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out" ~ President Gordon B. Hinckley. I'm not going to let other people's mean words, or laundry, or stubbed toes, or lack of ice cream determine my happiness.

     Sincerely,

Earning Pennies

"For the Kingdom of Heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which went out early in the morning to hire labourers into his vineyard"

How many of you have ever felt like you haven't been paid enough for the work that you have done. I know I sure as heck have. I know that I often get into the mind set that I deserve more than I get. I get frustrated with people when I feel that they are not pulling their weight, and they mooch off of my extra effort.

I absolutely love that Christ teaches in parables in the New Testament. They are easy to remember, easy to relate to, and are spoken so eloquently. For me the parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard has taught me the most about Christ's doctrine, and at the same time is the parable that I have the hardest time accepting.

The parable starts with a man leaving early to hire laborers to work in his vineyard. He had agreed to pay the laborers a penny a day. He sent the laborers out into the vineyard. Three hours later he went into the marketplace where he saw others standing idle. He said to them, "Go ye also into the vineyard, and whatsoever is right I will give you." They went their way to the vineyard and began to work. The sixth and ninth hour of the day he went to the marketplace again and hired more laborers. At the eleventh hour he went to the marketplace again and saw others standing idle. He asked them "why stand ye here all the day idle?" they said to him "because no man hath hired us." He said to them "Go ye also into the vineyard; and whatsoever is right, that shall ye receive." When the day came to the end, the lord of the vineyard saith unto his steward "call the labourers, and give them their hire, beginning from the last unto the first." All of the laborers came and lined up to get paid. The laborers that came the eleventh hour received a penny. The laborers that came came the ninth and sixth hour received a penny. When the laborers that started in the early morning came, they supposed that they should be payed more. When they received their one penny they complained against the man of the house saying, "these last have wrought but one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day."

At this point in the scripture I get kind of frustrated. If I was the laborer that had worked sun up till sun down, I would be pretty upset that the guy who decided to show up the last hour got paid the exact amount that I did, when I did all of the heavy lifting. I guess that's just my selfish side talking. However, before you get too frustrated along with me, read what the Lord of the Vineyard has to say to people who feel like we do:

Matthew 20:13 "Friend, I do thee no wrong; didst not thou agree with me for a penny?" First of all, I automatically love any scripture where Christ calls us his friend. We have all been told exactly what we are going to get paid for our work; eternal life. How can we argue for more? We came to this Earth knowing exactly what we would get paid.

14:  "Take that thine is, and go thy way: I will give unto this last, even as unto thee." Christ tells us to take what he has given us and go our way. He's going to give everyone the same that we get. He is telling us not to worry about what everyone else is getting. Worry about what you yourself are giving. Thinking that we deserve more is a pretty selfish way to think. How can we think that we need more recognition than anyone else who showed up. How can you really have more eternity?

15: "Is it not lawful for me to do what I will with mine own? Is thine eye evil, because I am good?" Do you trust the Lord? Do you trust that he has a plan for every single one of us? It's hard sometimes to trust, because we don't see the big picture. We have to have faith and believe that we will be paid for our work. Verse 4 says "whatsoever is right, I will give you." Trust that the Lord is looking after you, and taking care of you. At first, reading "is thine eye evil" kind of threw me off and I couldn't understand what was being taught here. However, after discussing it with my husband, I believe that this is one of the key parts of the scripture. Christ is asking them if they are upset because the laborers are being granted eternal life? How could we be upset that someone is receiving eternal life just because they showed up a little later than you did. I get bitter sometimes and secretly hope that some people have the worst day of their life just because I don't necessarily get along with them. That is such a poisonous state of mind to be in, and something that I am constantly working on. Having even a glimpse at how amazing eternal life is going to be, I wish everyone to have it; even my worst enemies.

16: "So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called but few chosen." No one is more important than any other person. The very last person that showed up to work is just as worthy and deserving of eternal life and celestial glory as the very first person who showed up to work. Enough Said.

Why are we in the vineyard? Are we there to get our fair penny, or are we there to serve and build the Kingdom of God? What are our motives for working in the vineyard?

How lucky we are to have a Savior who is willing to pay the last person the same as the first? I know for a fact that I have not always been the first person to work in the morning. I get lazy, and lose my focus. I complain occasionally about the work that is to be done, however I know that there is work to be done. I know without a doubt in my heart, our Savior is merciful. I know that if we work the long days to the best of our abilities, we will be rewarded beyond measure. I am grateful for this parable and for the humility it teaches me. My Savior is full of grace, and I know because of him and only him I will be able to have eternal life. "Yea , I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold many mighty miracle we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." The beautiful thing is that I could be the very first person to the vineyard every morning, but without my Savior Jesus Christ I could never earn even one penny.

     Sincerely,

Greener Grass

The grass is greener on the other side, right? Sometimes it sure as heck seems that way... however it's SO wrong.

I believe that one of the biggest things we humans struggle with, is that we have a hard time being happy in our own circumstances. We always want more. Some people wish they had more money, or they lived in a bigger homes. Some people wish they had fancier clothing, or more extravagant cars. For whatever reason, it seems to be in our nature to always want more.

Kent and I are currently living in a 2 bedroom house. It is absolutely tiny. The washing machine is in the little bathroom, and the dryer is in the kitchen. There aren't enough cupboards in the kitchen to put the gazzilion kitchen gadgets (pots, pans, utensils, dinnerware, etc.) that we own. We don't have a disposal, OR a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. Our fridge is crammed in the corner of our kitchen right next to our tiny kitchen table, making it near impossible to get food out of it without moving the table completely out of the way. There is not enough room in our bedroom closet to put all of the clothes that we both own. Our spare bedroom is stuffed full of fishing gear, camo, tackle boxes, wedding decorations, sleeping bags, camping gear, snowmobile helmets, and wedding presents that we have yet to open from the boxes. We hate that we can't have our horses close to us, or afford property right now. We complain about the CONSTANT construction that is going on in front of our drive way, requiring us to ask the construction workers to move every time we want to leave our home. We wish more than anything that we had a place in our living room to put a piano. Why the heck am I wishing the grass is greener?

Let me rephrase... My husband and I are currently living in a 2 bedroom home. We have a fantastic ward, a huge drive way for all of our toys, AND our landlords even let us repaint the whole home whatever colors we wanted. We have a washing machine AND a dryer. We don't have to take weekly trips to the laundromat in order to have clean clothing. We have been blessed with soo many kitchen gadgets that we don't even have enough room for them in our kitchen.  We always have delicious food in our refrigerator. We have more clothing than what we even need. Some people don't even have clothes. Our spare bedroom is stuffed full of so many fun things that make our life enjoyable. We have the capability to leave on fishing and hunting trips whenever we desire. We have horses in Tooele, and we can ride them whenever we want. We live in a city that takes care of itself. American Fork is constantly redoing roads, and water pipes. The city is always trying to better itself. I have a piano that I can teach from and play on whenever I want at my parents house. It's a huge blessing that my parents are even willing to deal with the sound of new piano students playing for 5 hours twice a week. Kent and I both drive huge gas guzzling trucks, simply because we think it's fun. We both have jobs that allow us to leave on vacation spontaneously, and whenever we want.

Life is all about perspective. In my kitchen, I have a quote hanging on my wall.

The Grass is Green Where You Water It

This is my motto for the year. Kent and I have been scraping our pennies, trying to figure out anyway possible to make a down payment on a home this summer. Unfortunately, it's just not going to be in the books for us this year... and that is OK. We are so beyond blessed to even have the home that we do. Before you even know it, I am going to have the greenest grass in the whole state because I choose to water mine. I love the stage of life that I am in, and all the experiences that come with it. I am grateful that I am having the opportunity to learn how to manage money, and budget. I'm grateful that I am learning how to communicate, and give and take in a marriage. I am grateful that I know what it's like to wash all of our dishes by hand... because one day I am really going to appreciate my dishwasher. Heck I am grateful that I am learning how to be grateful for things. Take your life into your own hands. Go out and water your grass (literally and figuratively) and be grateful that you even have grass to water.

     Sincerely,

Love Confession

Dear Netflix,

It seems like we have known each other for a while now, but just recently our relationship has really started to blossom. I remember the first time we started getting to know each other. It was a warm September day. There was a lovely smell of fresh cut grass, and you could hear the songs of the birds being sung in the distance. I had just gotten home to my apartment after an extensive, and draining day of attending classes at Utah Valley University. I had no homework, and absolutely nowhere to be. That’s when the thought of your diverting humor, and comforting voice had crossed my mind.

The first time we were acquainted was at my parent’s house a few years ago. We had politely, and subtly introduced ourselves with a small conversation, however you did most of the talking. I was intrigued with your bright colors that shined down on my face, and with the way that you could capture my attention with just a little bit of drama. Our conversation didn't last long, maybe a minute or so, but I knew as soon as that short minute was over, you were different from all of the other television programs… you were special.

I had a hard time getting you off of my mind since that astounding day at my parent’s house. I found you creeping into my thoughts slowly, and quietly.  I couldn't focus on anything. The droning lectures of my professors became almost painful, the silence in my bedroom while doing homework was mind-numbing, the late night chats I had with my friends and roommates became uninteresting, even sleep became insignificant. All I could think about was the way that you could hold me like no other person could, and the way that you could make me forget all the trials and troubles in life. You kept calling my name, but I was too scared to start a relationship with you. I had heard other people talk about you… They said you were poisonous, but a good kind. They said that you were dangerous, yet captivating and satisfying. I wanted you so bad.

On that warm September day, I gave my heart to you. I forgot about all the warnings I had received from other peers, and I gave into your seductive temptations. I gave everything I had to you, my time, and my grades, my relationships with others, my church attendance, and my personal cleanliness. I got stuck on your love for a whole 3 months, and because of you, I failed 2 classes. It took a real shake from my college professors, and my parents to make me realize at that time you weren't any good for me. I had to break things off. It was a devastating break up. You were my heroine, and I was having withdrawals from you.

About 5 months ago, I slowly started letting your temptations back into my life again. I married my husband in July, and I knew now I was stronger. I knew that I could handle the way that you would allure me into hours of drama after drama. I had another companion that could support me through your temptations. I can honestly say we have a healthy relationship. I’m grateful for you now, and the way you can make time go faster when my husband is not around. I’m grateful for the times that you pull my husband and I closer as we get stuck on your addicting shows. I love you Netflix. Please don’t ever leave me, and please don’t ever betray me.
 
          Sincerely,